blumpkins for christ

alright. i've had it. i'm putting my fucking foot down.

voluptuous

One entry found for voluptuous.

Main Entry: vo·lup·tu·ous
Pronunciation: v&-'l&p(t)-sh&-w&s, -sh&s
Function: adjective
Etymology: Middle English, from Latin voluptuosus, irregular from voluptas pleasure, from volup pleasurable; akin to Greek elpesthai to hope, Latin velle to wish -- more at WILL
1 a : full of delight or pleasure to the senses : conducive to or arising from sensuous or sensual gratification : LUXURIOUS voluptuous dance> <voluptuous ornamentation> voluptuous wine> b : suggesting sensual pleasure by fullness and beauty of form <voluptuous nudes>
2 : given to or spent in enjoyment of luxury, pleasure, or sensual gratifications voluptuous holiday -- Edmund Wilson>
synonym see SENSUOUS

Ok, that said, two things:

1.) DO YOU FUCKING SEE AN "M" IN THAT WORD? NO, YOU FUCKING DON'T. THAT'S BECAUSE THERE IS NO SUCH FUCKING WORD AS "VOLUMPTUOUS"!!!
I have no idea how this social phenomenon of mispronounciation began, but this is the end. Here is a quick list of things I will do to you if I ever hear the word "volumptuous" come out of your mouth:
a.) Call you a fucking retard, resulting in a depreciation of self-worth
b.) Burn your fucking house down. If you live in an apartment, I will burn your parent's house down. If your parents are dead, I will kill a kitten. A really cute one.
c.) I will break into your domicile, steal all your toilet paper, and replace it with the low grade shit that they make phonebooks out of. This is an extremely subtle yet eventually effective way of making you realize your faux-pas.
So, I guess it's been made pretty clear that I will no longer tolerate the mispronounciation of this word. But what about misusage? Hmmm....

Here's the deal. If you're on an internet dating site and you've listed your body type as "voluptuous", guess what? You're probably fat.
Now I'm not talking shit about fat people. Be fat, be happy. Get diabetes and die of heart failure. Awesome. You have my support 100%. You should be stoked on the fact that your ass looks like it took a buckshot and your tits look like a wet pancake hanging from a nail. Whatever. You're terrific.
But you're not "voluptuous". Example:

Here is the first picture that came up when I google image searched "voluptuous":

STATUS: VOLUPTUOUS

Now, here is one of the first pictures I found through Yahoo! Personals when the only thing checked in the search criteria was "Body Type: Voluptuous" :

STATUS: FAT

My point has been made.
Get it together, America...