this is fucking taco town and i'm the mayor, bitch...

Did you know they made a sequel to "Bring It On"? Well they did. I'll give you one guess what they called it. Yup. That's right:
Bring It On Again.
If there was ever a better reason for the neutron bomb I don't know what it was.

Also, as if that wasn't enough bringing of it for you, I just found out that they made a sequal to "You Got Served!" Now this one I'm excited about! It's called "You Got Served: Take It To The Street". I'm assuming they try to serve each other inside a McDonalds or something and the manager is all like "hey hey hey, guys....why don't you take that to the street." and so they do. Rad. I can't wait for the trilogy to be completed:FUCKING A RIGHT!

marshmallows suck ass...

Who likes marshmallows? Not me.

Marshmallows are fucking whack beyond all belief. Sometimes when I think about marshmallows, it's all I can do to not drop-kick my cat. Why do marshmallows exist? Because the world is a terrible place.

Marshmallows were invented 3000 years ago by the Egyptians. Some dumb-ass cross-dressing pharoh was like "these kick ass!" and made them available only to upper-class citizens. What a time to be a slave. All the benefits of a polytheistic culture with none of the marshmallow consumption. Sign me up!

Speaking of the polytheistic aspect of marshmallow origins, do you think that could have any effect on our children, most of whom are brought up with some form of monotheistic religion? I dunno, lets ask Taylor where clouds come from:

"Clouds"
by Taylor

The god marshmallow loved to eat marshmallows. So he had a marshmallow party and all of the gods came. They ate a lot of the marshmallows. All of the gods liked how they looked and how they tasted. So they decided to make something that everyone would see since they liked marshmallows. Then Zeus made little white puffy clouds that looked just like marshmallows. That's how clouds were made.

THE END

What the fuck? Our churches are failing to the awesome power of marshmallows? Where is the outrage? Leave Marilyn Manson alone and hop on the hateful bandwagon to pariah town - hey hey ho ho marshmallows have got to go! I'm considering founding my own organization to give these right wing slow polks a kick in the ass. MAM: Mothers Against Marshmallows.

On top of all this, marshmallows are the main ingredient in "peeps".

Even the most hardcore fans of peeps can't tell you why they like peeps. Peeps are fucking gross.

And then, if you wanna get technical about it, Kraft - the number one marshmallow producing company in the world - is owned by Nabisco which is owned by R.J. Reynolds the tabbacco company whose principle share holders are registered members of the Ku Kux Klan. Eat a marshmallow - promote racism. You dicks. You fucking marshmallow eating dicks. How can you sleep at night?

Or maybe supporting racism isn't enough for you. How about terrorism?Fuck marshmallows. Fuck them in their stupid buttholes.

public service announcement

don't be like BrianFace.
don't drink and drive.

crockpots and whiffle balls

Everyone's always coming up to me and going like "hey Trent, what do you think you would look like if you were a Leggo guy?" and "say Trent, have you ever wondered what you'd look like if you were a Leggo guy?" and retarded shit like "gee whiz, Trent, if you were a Leggo guy, what do you think you'd look like?" and utterly insipid bullshit like "hey Trent, what's the best way to get to Planned Parenthood from the Las Vegas Bowling Supply Inc.?" Well you know what motherfuckers? I'm fucking SICK OF IT. HERE YOU FUCKING GO:

and
NOW SHUT THE FUCK UP ALREADY.

heavens to betsy

Yesterday, some fine upstanding citizen took it upon themselves to break into my automobile. I'm still not exactly sure how, as no windows were broken and the locks didn't look fucked with and I'm 100% sure that I locked it but whatever. Anywho, they tore everything out of my glove box and the center console thing and emptied out my backpack and made my already disgusting vehicle even dirtier. At first I was like "bummer" and then I remembered I had some movies in there from Hollywood Video and I realized they were gone and I was like "bummer" and I started looking around to see what else was gone and then I was like "rad" cuz nothing else was missing and then I thought about it for a minute and I was like "BUMMER". This dude/these dudes broke into my car. Basically, they could have taken anything they wanted. For free. And nothing was gone. My crappy stereo wasn't even touched. The ignition hadn't been fucked with so they didn't try to steal the piece of shit car itself. I have nothing of value that anyone wants and not only can I not give it away, people won't even steal it if they have the chance. The only thing worth taking, evidently, was something that was, for all intents and purposes, loaned to me. Enjoy March of the Penguins, dickheads, and thanks for reminding me of how much everything I have sucks.

disguise the limit

you bet your ass i did...

baby, don't fuck with icicles...

behold: a chipmunk.

after an exhausting 5 1/2 month journey across the ocean in a raft made of twigs and the bones of his fallen brothers, this chipmunk's lifelong dream finally came true - he made it to america. "it's everything i dreamed it would be and more!" the chipmunk exclaimed. he walked with wonderment down the bustling streets of new york, jittering with excitement and anticipation. soon, he came across a friendly cherry salesman. "it's always been my dream to eat a cherry," he swooned. "well pal, it's your lucky day, " the friendly cherry salesman said. "i have one cherry left and for you - it's on the house." the chipmunk couldn't believe his luck! what an amazing country! he placed the cherry in his mouth and felt it's cool tender skin against his lips. he trembled with anticipation as he began to devour this amazing new fruit. unfortunately, the relatively massive cherry became lodged in the chipmunks throat and he died because he was a fucking idiot and didn't realize that when consuming something as big as your skull, you should at least chew it a little bit. but no - he just fucking went for it balls out like a total dumbass. and when you think about it, the world is a better place now that his retarded vacuous no-common-sense-havin ass is gone.

R.I.P. - the stupidest chipmunk ever

it's all fun and games until the old dude drops the "n-bomb"

10 Interesting Facts About Burritos

• burritos first appeared in 1984 at a truck stop taco bell just outside of des moines, iowa.
• burritos are often referred to as "nature's calculator" because they are naturally skilled at figuring out square roots.
• never try to play "chutes and ladders" with a burrito. they get really intense about it.
• eskimos have over 32 words for "burrito".
• burritos mate for life.
• burritos use sonar to catch their prey which consists mostly of taquitos and lesser burritos.
• burritos have recently become a popular food in mexico. except there, they call them "bananas americanos" and they're served with mayonaise!!! get real, mexico!!!
• burritos are illegal in iraq. now do you see where these people are coming from?
• in a test conducted on males ages 14-32 at the new england institute for cancer research, burritos have been found to affect your risk for testicular cancer in absolutly no way.
• many people in america seem to think that burritos are "delicious". this is a common misconception. they are, in all actuallity, "fucking awesome".

cookies and soy milk just don't cut it...

misunderstanding is the mother of lexicography. this has never been more true than the other night - or true at all, for that matter. some highly inebriated patrons of the bar i frequent had seen nacho and i rocking out on a shitty late night public access t.v. show and called me to come down so the could buy me booze for this amazing accomplishment. i was quite stoked at the prospect of free hooch and i told roach that we had to bounce so i could recieve my accolades. she misheard me and in an attempt to correct my precieved syntax faux pas said "did you just say alccolades? with an L?" i then explained that no, that was not the case and if she ever attempted to correct my speech again she would see the back of me hand. then, for good measure, i proceeded to beat her mercilessly anyway because i'm a jerk and beating women is what i do, yo. anywho, whilst tending to her many wounds, we both decided that the word "alcohlades" should indeed exist.

alcohlades
pronunciation: ahl-koh-laydz
function: noun
defenition: 1.) accolades recieved in the physical form of alcohol 2.) accolades recieved by an intoxicated human being who, if sober, would not have been impressed by the accomplishments which he/she is now, in his/her inebriated state, utterly amazed by
sentence usage:
dude: way to rock my ass at darts. let me buy you a drink.
me: thanks. your alcohlades are appreciated, good sir.
alcohlades. know it. use it. love it. dickweeds.

in other news, a couple of moons back, paul 2.0 and i were very hungry and the dungeon (our apartment) was lacking in all forms of conceivably edible sustenance (except for some kraft singles and a pack of ramen) so we took a walk to the store (7-11). 2.0 suggested the novel idea of procuring milk and cookies for consumption as it had been quite some time since this combination of food stuffs had grazed either of our lips, stomachs, or colons. being that it was two in the morning and we are two degenerate youths, we were quickly and expectedly the recipiants of many snide "munchies" jokes from the 7-11 clerk. we attempted to explain to him that in all actuallity, despite assumptions constantly made based on our appearances, sleeping habits, and choice of food, we do not, in fact, participate in the smoking, snorting, injecting, ingesting, or freebasing of any form of illegal substance. as per usual, this was dismissed as pure balderdash - poppycock, if you will.
on the walk home we decided that it would probably be in our best interests to just go ahead and start smoking a lot of weed. all the time. the world's populace already assumes we do and we figure it's the only way for two young douchebags such as ourselves, ages 24 and 25 respectively, to justify our lifestyles which revolve heavily around shitty go-nowhere jobs, cartoons, movies, video games, network t.v., bafflingly crude humor, comic books, and yes - the occasional wild night of milk and cookies.
witness, if you will, the magical metamorphasis that we will under go.
this is 2.0 and myself on a typical saturday night:...and this is 2.0 and myself on a typical saturday night once we're goddamned dirt-heads:
simply fucking amazing.

by the time you read this...i will be watching television.

i love television!!!
television is so awesome that it hurts my toes. sometimes when i'm not watching television, i say to myself "why the fuck am i not watching television right now?!" and then do you know what i do? i watch television because i'm smart/not dumb! yes, television certainly has it all: programs, commercials, brightness/contrast controls - wow!
check THIS out: once there was a group of scientists and the scientists were geniuses. but not even regular geniuses. they were super-geniuses. they would go to these lame genius parties where all the regular geniuses hung out and they would be like "so you guys think you're geniuses, huh?" and the regular geniuses would be like "yea, we do" and the super-genius scientists would be like "psh...bullcrap" and the regular geniuses would be like "why you hatin'?" and the super-genius scientists would be like "cuz check this out" and then they would say all this shit that was so super-smart, the regular geniuses would all start crying like little baby girls with ear infections and the super-genius scientists anticipated this would happen (cuz they're that smart) so they brought diapers with them and were like "hey little crying babies, you better put these on" and guess what! the crying regular geniuses did because they didn't even give a crap any more!!! anyway, those super-genius scientists conducted this study to find out why television was so fucking intensely bad-ass. they spent $50 million and it took six years and you know what their conclusion was? nobody even knows cuz the super-genius scientists never published their findings cuz they were like "fuck science - we're watching programs on television"!!! damn straight!
if it's good enough for super-genius scientists it's good enough for me and it should be good enough for you so turn off your stupid computer you stupid nerd-babies and turn on your television and watch a program right fucking now!

FUCK YEA!